It’s still my fault
even if it’s my default.
I’m quick to blame.
Quick to assign fault.
It’s your fault this happened.
OR It’s my fault that it didn’t.
Sometimes it sounds like projection.
Sometimes it sounds like humility.
Most of the time it’s habit.
It’s my default.
A script running in the background.
This happened.
Someone must be at fault.
That didn’t happen.
Someone must be to blame.
Fault is a form of credit.
It’s how I explain what worked
or didn’t.
How I assign ownership.
Even when no one is asking.
Even when no one cares.
Defaulted to this loop so many times
I started believing every outcome had a cause.
That I could determine every cause.
Sometimes I blame you to protect myself.
Sometimes I blame me to stay in control of a story
I can’t make sense of.
It’s a shortcut to meaning.
A default structure.
Not one I designed.
Even if it is my default,
it doesn’t mean it’s not my fault.
Default is a choice.
It’s a matter of awareness of my choice.
When I remember that,
I can find structure.
When I can see structure,
I can build something