I judge.
I don’t want to pretend I don’t.
That would be another kind of performance.
The goal to be neutral, non-judgmental, peaceful.
In the enlightened state.
Living above it all.
My version of that of peace was spiritual make believe.
If judging is so bad why do I do it?
How does it serve me?
It’s a function.
Of awareness.
Of attention.
My mistake isn’t judging.
My mistake is a lack of awareness to what I am judging.
Deluding myself that I’ve risen above my preferences.
As if that’s what makes me safe.
Or good.
Or true.
I don’t need to pretend I’m over it.
I need to notice when I’m in it.
That’s the work.
To name it.
To hold it.
To ask:
What is this judgment protecting?
What do I think it says about me?
What story does it help me avoid?
I don’t want to judge less.
I want to judge with awareness.
It’s not a matter of choice.
It’s a matter of awareness.
To understand it.
That’s how it stops running me.
That’s how my preferences become points of reference.
To judge.