I wanted to develop beyond my survival mode.

As if I was supposed to be past it.

Above it.

Healed enough not to need it.

Survival mode isn’t shameful.

It’s sacred.

It worked.

It got me here.

To this moment.

To this breath.

I haven’t outgrown survival systems.

They’re brilliant.

They react faster than I can think.

They protect me before meaning arrives.

Thankfully they don’t need my permission.

They just do the job.

My trouble is I don’t know when they’re still running.

When I mistake the smoke alarm for a signal.

For a fire when it’s the toaster burning off crumbs.

Again.

When I build a strategy on reflex.

Again.

That’s not their fault.

That’s my awareness

or my lack of it.

Intentional practice doesn’t fight the survival system.

It thanks it.

It respects what it was made to do.

It builds what’s needed now.

Living systems.

Clarity systems.

Alignment systems.

I still have survival instincts.

I am looking to contribute to

the space they’ve provided.