Sometimes I didn’t join.

Not really.

I showed up.

Went through the motions.

Did the job.

I didn’t enter.

I didn’t align.

I didn’t opt in.

Then I wondered

why it felt like I was being held hostage.

Why the work felt like a burden.

Why I was resentful.

Why every ask felt like a demand.

It felt like I’d been taken prisoner.

No one locked the door.

Ironically, I never walked through it.

I didn’t join and still expected to contribute.

Still wanted to have a say.

Still wanted impact

without membership.

That’s the loop

of being apart from

while pretending to be a part of.

Of performing without participating.

Of resisting while expecting to belong.

When I skip the step of joining,

the work becomes a chore.

The expectations feel unfair.

The experience feels forced.

Even when I was the one who stayed silent.

What frees me is asking,

Did I choose this?

Did I join with intention

or did I show up and expect it to work?

If I didn’t join,

I can’t be surprised that I don’t feel connected.

That it feels like performance.

That contribution feels like compliance.

Joining isn’t surrender.

It’s alignment.

It’s the act of saying:

“I’m here. I’m in. Here we go.”

Unless they took me prisoner,

I made a choice.