Two Fears Two Lies

My fear tells one of two lies:
I will lose something I think I have,
or
I won’t get something I think I want.
Two stories.
Different details.
Same structure.
Both feel convincing.
Fear is at least two and half times more motivating.
More inspiring.
I understand that and forget that at the same time.
It makes me feel like it is true.
I catch myself living inside both.
I feel it when I look at my calendar
and think I’m losing control.
I feel it when someone I love seems off
and I start making up what it means.
I feel it when I want
something to work,
something to land,
something to happen,
and my mind rushes ahead to what it will mean
if it doesn’t happen.
My fear is rarely creative.
It is repetitive.
It tells me I’m about to lose what I think I have,
or
I’m not going to get what I think I want.
That’s the classy problem.
Both stories depend on me pretending
I know more than I do.
What I fear says less about reality
and more about the story I’m committed to.
Fear tells two lies:
I confuse
what I feel,
with what I know.