I tell myself

I’m being responsible.

Planning ahead.

Avoiding risk.

Managing downside.

I call it foresight.

It’s fear.

I wasn’t aware

I was designing

for survival

instead of living.

I was orienting to

what could go wrong

instead of

what could go right.

Protecting my downside

at the expense of upside.

Like optimizing a calendar

to avoid burnout

instead of

aligning it for contribution.

The loop of effort spent

avoiding what I don’t want

instead of moving toward

what I do.

Am I avoiding something

in the name of survival

when I could make space

for something worth living.

Death is inevitable.

Life precedes it.

My intention is more than

to not die.

It’s to live on purpose,

on purpose,

until I do.